Okay… I know I have not posted anything recently and there is really no excuse. Reasons but not excuses. Basically, work has completely taken over my life and, at the same time, I have just found myself in a very lonely place of self-loathe.
I started this blog when I felt the urge to try out vegetarianism. It was a struggle but very exciting, to say the least. I went on to try it out for at least a month and a half and I managed to lose some pounds during the process but then the holidays were ushered in. I was not able to control myself and now, I feel depressed (with respect to people diagnosed with depression) because of how much weight I have gained. Let’s just say this is the result of a little too much #selflove.
So yeah, I am stripping away my pride and letting this all out. I have reached a phase in my life when I literally avoid seeing reflections of myself, ‘selfies’ become very difficult to take, going out with friends and family stress me out and basically, long nights of hating myself for allowing all the weight to come in. Yeah, I do NOT feel okay about my body and myself. I am ashamed. I am very bothered and I am extremely worried that I might not be able get back to my old “less fat” body. Once again, I have lost a phase in my life full of “stay in control or be totally fat”. And it’s getting harder and harder to re-establish a better eating habit as the days go by. I have tried, over the last few weeks, to start losing weight countless times but I always end up running out of motivation to continue. I am in an unfamiliar phase right now where it seems so difficult to control the things I eat and get myself to do physical activities. I don’t like this so I really really need to do something about this and… this is exactly why I needed to write something about this whole personal problem.
I probably need to start writing again to have something that would keep track of my progress. I am assuming that if I will feel the pressure of having to record something about my whole #RoadTo150 (road to 150 lbs) journey, I will always find the motivation to continue to achieve my goals.
Before I end, I just want to clear out that I have nothing against plus sized people (like myself). This is not about shaming people because of their weight. More than anything else, this is about whether or not I feel comfortable with my body. And as I have said, I am not comfortable with it anymore. I am tired of going to sleep feeling bad about myself and then wake up to realize that my clothes don’t fit anymore. It’s just about time for me to start working hard and maybe much harder now. I just need to start putting more physical activities in my routine, eat less, consumer better choices and I know that soon, all the hard work I will hopefully be putting in will pay off!
So stay tuned to my future posts about my progress during my whole #RoadTo150 journey. Ciao!