I believe three months ago, I wrote about how low my self-esteem was already. I gained so much weight that it totally took its toll on my confidence. It was one of the darkest days of my life (still is), so I had to strip everything out and focus on how I could make myself look and feel better.
In the last three months, I am afraid that there hasn’t been enough progress aside from the fact that I finally got myself to start going to the gym. I didn’t want to announce this or post pictures of me sweating on social media as I don’t want to feel the pressure of people’s expectations and I didn’t want them to judge me for going to the gym and progressing very slowly. Still, I am not very confident about myself yet but I am definitely proud of myself for getting to start something I have always been hesitant of.
Right now, I have been going to the gym for more than 10 days already and my daily routine is doing much better. I have started doing intermittent fasting as well (fasting from 5 in the afternoon to 9 in the morning of the next day) to aid my daily morning trip to the gym. I am slowly feeling some progress but I still need to get over a hump on this whole journey and that is my over-consciousness while at the gym. I know I’m an extrovert and talking to people is exactly what my job is but when I am at the gym I get very anxious to know that people might be looking at me and judging me from afar. This is taking a toll on my performance at the gym since on most days, I’d stop half an hour earlier than my planned span and quit on other exercises just because people are starting to flock in. I get so conscious knowing that bigger guys who are probably stronger are around me and they’re all probably judging my every move.
And okay, I know that they have been through this phase also and that I should just silence them out but it is just incredibly difficult to do so right now. I’m trying but I’m still failing. Hopefully, when I start seeing some obvious results from all the fasting and gym sessions, I’ll be able to get rid of own thoughts that are completely hindering myself to progress better.
I’ll continue updating here and maybe start taking pictures of my progress after my first month at the gym. Right now I want to say that I am very happy with the small successes I’ve been achieving at the gym and I’m super proud of the lifestyle change that has occurred over the last few weeks.
I’ve started. Now, all I have to do is to keep going and trust the process.