I am starting to see some results and it feels amazing. To be fair though, being able to get up at 6 in the morning to go to the gym (after dropping my sister at work) makes me feel good about myself already. And to do this 5 times a week (might go for 6 or 7 soon, yas!) is already something to be proud of.
I have talked to you about my struggles at the gym, which is mostly rooted, to my consistent fear of being judged by the people around me. What I have yet to discuss though are my thoughts about this. See, I think the reason why I feel a certain kind of shame or submissiveness (can’t think of a better word) when I see other people looking at me is because I envy their progress. I always wish I am at their level already and this is incredibly frustrating. This is especially true when I first started out going to the gym when using the treadmill for 10 minutes was already very difficult for me and lifting 15lbs was already a struggle. It was difficult and it was frustrating. I got envious and I conscious because questions like “when will I reach their level” filled my mind. By as time progressed and as weeks passed, I started seeing some small results and these are enough to make myself be comfortable. Or at least, be a little more comfortable as each work out day passes by.
Like any other goal, there is a process and starting out with these processes is just very difficult. But, just like wise men say, you just have to start. And I have started so all I need to do now is to keep going. I recognize the fact that there will be days when it’s more difficult to get up in the morning or days when I’ll be sorer than before because I added some weight or reps or sets… Through these, I just need to keep going. Progress, no matter how small, is still progress. I just need to focus on the fact that I have already started and I just need to keep my eyes on my goals. Better days are coming and I cannot allow myself to be the same person that I was yesterday.
With all these affirmations and motivations in my head, it doesn’t seem too difficult to push myself to work anymore. I’ll continue updating here and maybe soon I’ll be comfortable enough to even post pictures of my progress. How soon? I don’t know.
Stay with me on this journey as I’ll need all the pressure that you could possibly put on me!
Okay… I know I have not posted anything recently and there is really no excuse. Reasons but not excuses. Basically, work has completely taken over my life and, at the same time, I have just found myself in a very lonely place of self-loathe.
I started this blog when I felt the urge to try out vegetarianism. It was a struggle but very exciting, to say the least. I went on to try it out for at least a month and a half and I managed to lose some pounds during the process but then the holidays were ushered in. I was not able to control myself and now, I feel depressed (with respect to people diagnosed with depression) because of how much weight I have gained. Let’s just say this is the result of a little too much #selflove.
So yeah, I am stripping away my pride and letting this all out. I have reached a phase in my life when I literally avoid seeing reflections of myself, ‘selfies’ become very difficult to take, going out with friends and family stress me out and basically, long nights of hating myself for allowing all the weight to come in. Yeah, I do NOT feel okay about my body and myself. I am ashamed. I am very bothered and I am extremely worried that I might not be able get back to my old “less fat” body. Once again, I have lost a phase in my life full of “stay in control or be totally fat”. And it’s getting harder and harder to re-establish a better eating habit as the days go by. I have tried, over the last few weeks, to start losing weight countless times but I always end up running out of motivation to continue. I am in an unfamiliar phase right now where it seems so difficult to control the things I eat and get myself to do physical activities. I don’t like this so I really really need to do something about this and… this is exactly why I needed to write something about this whole personal problem.
I probably need to start writing again to have something that would keep track of my progress. I am assuming that if I will feel the pressure of having to record something about my whole #RoadTo150 (road to 150 lbs) journey, I will always find the motivation to continue to achieve my goals.
Before I end, I just want to clear out that I have nothing against plus sized people (like myself). This is not about shaming people because of their weight. More than anything else, this is about whether or not I feel comfortable with my body. And as I have said, I am not comfortable with it anymore. I am tired of going to sleep feeling bad about myself and then wake up to realize that my clothes don’t fit anymore. It’s just about time for me to start working hard and maybe much harder now. I just need to start putting more physical activities in my routine, eat less, consumer better choices and I know that soon, all the hard work I will hopefully be putting in will pay off!
So stay tuned to my future posts about my progress during my whole #RoadTo150 journey. Ciao!
I know I have talked about this before (maybe a little more than I should) but now that I’m getting close to some real holiday celebrations, I might as
About three months (?) ago, I decided to get into something I never thought I’d ever get myself into. I’ve always been an absolute carnivore and it’s always been a struggle to eat vegetables. But having a small part of me that is always curious over a lot of things which leads me to try different stuff on the most random times, I ended up deciding on getting myself into vegetarianism.
well write something about it again.
If you’ve been with me since I started the journey, you should know how days went and how much of a struggle the first few days have been. I must admit that right now, this whole system’s not too difficult for me anymore. Yes, there are days when I find it hard to find something to eat but I have this new found excitement to find good food without meat (exploring different food places is super fun too). BUT as exciting as the last few months have been, I know I cannot forgive myself if I let the holidays pass without enjoying the celebrations completely. And honestly, I don’t think I would enjoy the celebrations to the fullest if I would continue depriving myself of meat.
So with all the holiday dinners, vacations and (possibly) family reunions that are lined up for the weeks ahead, I just know that I need to allow myself to eat meat again. But that does not go without any challenge at all. The challenge for me would be to control the amount of food I’ll be taking in. I have lost a good amount of weight already (blog for that coming soon) so I need to make sure that I don’t gain them back just because I allowed myself to eat meat for a couple of weeks. I don’t know how the next few weeks would go but you can bet that I cannot wait to enjoy the celebrations with all the meat already. I’ll think about how I’ll transition back to vegetarianism (or if I would) once the celebrations are all over. I honestly can’t be bothered to think about right now.
So for the next three (?) weeks ahead, I’ll try my best to write about how the festivities would go for me. Hopefully, I’ll get to sneak in some exciting food features in between too! Right now, I need to start calming myself down because my carnivorous self is just so ready to be unleashed!
GIFs are from giphy.com
We’ve arrived to the day when I’ll write my last daily post. This does not mean though that I will be abandoning this blog anymore. As hassle as this whole thing is, I know I’m doing something I truly enjoy so I wouldn’t let go of this anymore…
My mom and I had a pretty good breakfast. She had fried rice with longganisa and dried fish while I ate our leftover Mattari Okonomiyaki from our dinner at Chibo Okonomiyaki last night. We didn’t bother preparing anything else because we’ll be heading out for a surprise birthday celebration for one of our family friends. When we got there though, I didn’t get to eat much (I think) because, obviously, they wouldn’t adjust their menu for me. Luckily, they had penne with white sauce and mixed vegetables with quail eggs so I still got to eat something. It was a rather intimate party (considering how big our community is) and it seemed like everyone had a lot of fun. Maybe I did to because the time went by so fast. After the party, mom and I headed to the closest mall to finish up on our Christmas gift list which we packed when we got home a couple of hours ago. Before heading home, we grabbed something to eat at Project Pie (again cos mom’s total sucker for good pizzas). We had the usual… mom had all-meat pizza while I had no-meat pizza and we ordered our favorite James’ Project. It’s a salad with mixed greens, candied walnuts, feta cheese, craisins and raspberry vinaigrette. The sweetness of the raspberry is very subtle and getting a serving of all the components makes everything so much better.
It’s been a really good weekend. Probably one of the best in a very long time. There is just something about the holidays that makes me really happy and spirited and excited for a lot of different things. I don’t know how to feel about the fact that I am not longer gonna be posting everyday but I guess this is all for the best. I want to stop compromising my posts just to meet my daily requirements. Keep watching out for my future posts. I’ll make sure to make them better in terms of content and flow. Sleeping happy tonight, yehey!
WHAT A GREAT START TO MY WEEKEND! With the chilly weather and having no obligations to work on over my weekend, I woke up feeling super chill and calm. I stayed extra hours in bed because the weather now is super nice, it’s making it a lot more difficult to got out of big.
My breakfast and lunch weren’t any special. I just had a couple of pieces of bread and scrambled egg (with Sriracha) for breakfast and some instant noodles with strawberry smoothie for lunch. I needed to eat less than normal because I planned on bringing my mom along with me for the egress of our exhibit so we could eat at Chibo Okonomiyaki right after it.
After doing errands and buying everything we needed, we grabbed some snacks (Pork Floss Crepe and Nutty Choco Crepe plus Cinnabon) before heading to SMX so I could supervise the pack-up. I stayed there until our client went out already. I brought mom along to what has gone to be one of my most favorite restaurants, Chibo Okonomiyaki at Maison Mall below Conrad Hotel (just across SMX). I ordered Mattari Okonomiyak, and Cheese Asparagus and Spinach Teppan again. I just added Soba Meshi for my mom, Mushroom with Garlic Sauce Teppan and one of their basic Yakisobas. I’ll be featuring more of this and our experience on my first ever review coming real soon!
It’s been a pretty good day. I just really love weekends where I get to eat with my mom and try new stuff with her (although I am not entirely sure if she’s even enjoying hahaha). Tomorrow’s gonna be my last daily blog but I’ll definitely continue posting some entries on this blog. Absolutely pushing for quality posts this time. Just stay with me on this. Things are shaping up really well (I’m coming close to finally getting to eat meat again and idk what to feel)… For now, I wanna enjoy this chilly weather and give in to my bed calling.
I woke up to a very chilly weather. That should give you an idea how difficult it was for me to get myself out of the bed. When I finally did, I prepped and headed straight to the office. I had a lot of things to accomplish for the day so I needed to get to the office as soon as I can. I skipped lunch but I didn’t feel too hungry probably because of all my preoccupations. My boss and I headed to Bonifacio Global City to attend a meeting where I told him to just leave me there since I’ll still have to eat my late lunch (that was around 4 in the afternoon already).
I met with my office mate who also had a meeting around the area and we both decided to get something to eat first before heading back to Alabang. We ended up eating at Kabisera which’s a Filipino restaurant that transforms into a nice and cozy bar at night. She ordered this Vigan Power Bowl that had toasted Vigan Longganisa (local sausage), some cucumber, pickled onion (super loved it), salted egg and fried rice. She seemed to have enjoyed it a lot but she ordered a serving of their Kwek-Kwek (quail eggs in orange batter) which she shared with me. I had their Pancit Luglug and Laing (taro leaves cooked in coconut milk). Their pancit tasted so good with its thick sauce that coats the rice noodles really well. The star of the meal though was their Laing which tasted a lot like the one my mom makes (that’s a compliment). The taro leaves were well cooked and the spiciness from the red chilis made it so much better.
Since that was my only actual meal for today, I’d say I enjoyed it more than I should. Their serving maybe a bit small but it’s a darn good restaurant if you wanna get some good Filipino food. I specifically loved the whole ambiance of the place even with their rather dim lighting. Maybe when I come back and I’m not on a strict vegetarian diet anymore I’ll try their meat dishes as well.
That was a pretty good end to my work week. The next two days, I’ll be posting my last two daily blog. As I have mentioned last night, it’s not just about being too time-consuming or hassle for me. I just don’t want to compromise the quality of my posts just to get to post something daily. On Sunday, I’ll be posting my 40th and last daily post. From there, I’ll be preparing a list of contents to release a good number of times in week featuring really different stuff. Stay with me, it’ll be fun.
I couldn’t be happier for everything I ate today. It might have been too much but they’re all pretty good stuff so that’s really good for me (I guess).
Today, I had to skip work because I needed to attend to a couple of personal errands and because I try my best to not burn myself out from work. My job requires me to put in some extra hours in a lot of different circumstances so I make sure to use my offset whenever I could so I don’t end up tiring myself too much. Before heading out, I didn’t get to eat something so by the time I got back from my morning errands I was already feeling super hungry. On the way home though, I bought Spinach Lasagna from Sbarro which they served with their garlic bread (I don’t remember having one before but boy it was sooo good!) and Starbucks’ Cinnamon Sticky Buns. I don’t mind spending some credits for food, okay? The Spinach Lasagna was a little bland so I had to sprinkle some iodized salt and add some Sriracha (don’t judge) on it. It’s not even because there wasn’t any meat at all. It’s more of the fact that it really lacks seasoning because I taste the tomatoes and the cream from its sauces but it just didn’t seem like it had the right amount of saltiness to it. Overall though, I totally enjoyed it. A little seasoning would have just made it perfect.
After eating, I rested a bit before sneaking in a couple of hours of sleep. It just wouldn’t be an appropriate rest day without some good nap. I had to wake up few hours after though to attend to my lola and make some snacks for my mom (I still had the Cinnamon Sticky Buns so I ate that then). Our afternoon snacks were a little heavy that I decided to just heat some Cream of Asparagus Soup (Campbell’s) and cooked some small pieces of eggplant with oyster sauce, butter, garlic and Sriracha. It was a nice way to cap this night off.
Again, I’m super happy that I am finally getting to eat better. Although the past days weren’t the best circumstances in terms of chances to eat but at least I had this day to kickstart my attempt to make my eating habits better. I’ve also been thinking a lot about posting everyday. I’m considering limiting my posts to maybe 2 to 3 times a week. It’s not just about the lack of interesting stuff everyday (although, it’s true that my days aren’t really interesting). It’s just that I feel like I am compromising the quality of my posts because I am too pressured to post everyday. So I am seriously thinking about slowing easing out of posting every night and planning my posts to make it 3 posts weekly at most. It’ll cover restaurant reviews (new category yey), weekly weight updates (hopefully I get to fix our weighing scale already) and basically the changes that are happening to me and my eating habits (if I end up losing the motivation to continue being vegetarian then at least I have other uses for this blog with the new categories coming… but hopefully I won’t quit too soon). Changes are always exciting for me so I’ll push myself to stay in the system for as long as I can. If not, we’ll see how things will pull through.