Posting this a few days left but I am forgiving myself for this because the past few days have been so hectic schedule-wise.
After stepping on the scale to check my progress after the first time I stepped on one in a long time (see my previous post: Life Update: FINALLY STEPPED ON THE SCALE! #RoadTo150) I immediately messaged my brother to discuss my disappointment. We agreed that I am moving slow considering the fact that I am way WAY more than 20lbs from my normal weight so I need to step up my game. I have been doing intermittent fasting for more than a month now but before my second weigh in, I ate out for 2 straight nights and didn’t even hit the gym for an entire week. So as disappointed as I was, I did not really expect to lose much during that weigh in.
Today, to help the whole process, I started plotting my food intake on My Fitness Pal again. I remember how it helped me lose weight back in college so there really isn’t much discussion whether I should do it again or not. I just really needed to get sufficient amount of courage to finally to commit to the whole system of counting calories again because plotting every single thing I eat (and drink) gets very taxing along the way. Also, I got to open up the books from my stash last weekend which allowed me to plan and prepare better for my meals this week. I just had my Shrimp Caesar Salad (I made the sauce from scratch!) and it was so much better than I expected so I am really looking forward to the rest of my meals for this week.
My disappointing result for this week took a bit of my motivation away but I still have a shitload of motivation to keep going. I refuse to back down this time and I’ll continue to push forward and see how much of a change can I do with my eating habits and even my lifestyle as a whole. Stay with me on this and I’ll try to be more active soon, I promise.
Side note: I am planning to make a content to feature my Book Sale haul from about 2 or 3 months ago. I got some amazing books from there which are really helping me a lot in planning my meals much better. I am even considering posting my weekly meal plan soon and maybe even recipes of my meals with my revisions from my personal cooking and eating experience. Sounds very exciting to me. All I need is time, a lot of it, really…
I am starting to see some results and it feels amazing. To be fair though, being able to get up at 6 in the morning to go to the gym (after dropping my sister at work) makes me feel good about myself already. And to do this 5 times a week (might go for 6 or 7 soon, yas!) is already something to be proud of.
I have talked to you about my struggles at the gym, which is mostly rooted, to my consistent fear of being judged by the people around me. What I have yet to discuss though are my thoughts about this. See, I think the reason why I feel a certain kind of shame or submissiveness (can’t think of a better word) when I see other people looking at me is because I envy their progress. I always wish I am at their level already and this is incredibly frustrating. This is especially true when I first started out going to the gym when using the treadmill for 10 minutes was already very difficult for me and lifting 15lbs was already a struggle. It was difficult and it was frustrating. I got envious and I conscious because questions like “when will I reach their level” filled my mind. By as time progressed and as weeks passed, I started seeing some small results and these are enough to make myself be comfortable. Or at least, be a little more comfortable as each work out day passes by.
Like any other goal, there is a process and starting out with these processes is just very difficult. But, just like wise men say, you just have to start. And I have started so all I need to do now is to keep going. I recognize the fact that there will be days when it’s more difficult to get up in the morning or days when I’ll be sorer than before because I added some weight or reps or sets… Through these, I just need to keep going. Progress, no matter how small, is still progress. I just need to focus on the fact that I have already started and I just need to keep my eyes on my goals. Better days are coming and I cannot allow myself to be the same person that I was yesterday.
With all these affirmations and motivations in my head, it doesn’t seem too difficult to push myself to work anymore. I’ll continue updating here and maybe soon I’ll be comfortable enough to even post pictures of my progress. How soon? I don’t know.
Stay with me on this journey as I’ll need all the pressure that you could possibly put on me!