There really isn’t too much to discuss on this post aside from the fact that yesterday, I finally mustered enough strength to step on the scale and check how far I’ve gone since the last time I stepped on one.
I remember that a couple of years ago, I was strolling between 162 to 170 lbs depending on how much I ate in the week. This was when I was still in college. My weight was much less then but I was still borderline overweight (I’m probably way above now and closing obese) but again, the difference really was how I carried myself. I was confident, I was moving fast, I was going out with friends and I had a lot of activities that I involved myself in. So even if I haven’t actually hit normal in my BMI, I was still much much better in carrying myself then. But so much for how I was 3 or 4 years ago. As I have said, yesterday, I stepped on the scale and weighed (you should know that before actually checking my weight, I was telling myself that I am probably at 240lbs just to make my expectations worse) and surprisingly I’m just a little over 210 lbs. 215.1lbs to be exact. I am heavy, yes. But not as heavy as I thought I’d be. But a couple of things need to be considered here. Firstly, I have been going to the gym for nearly a week already before I weighed in and secondly, I have been doing intermittent fasting for 3 or 4 weeks prior so I am thinking that I might have actually weighed more especially after the holidays.
To be honest, I was really feeling scared about doing it (as discussed in my previous blog post: IT’S 2018 AND I’M BACK! #repurposing #RoadTo150) because I did not feel ready to check my weight and find out that I am actually far heavier than expected. It was more about how much worse I would feel about myself than just the thought of seeing my weight. This whole thing had taken its toll on my confidence already but now that I have actually done it, I feel some sort of liberation from all the anxiety. I cannot, however, say that I am feeling much better now because there is just so much to do and work hard on. But since this was the weight I had before I lost weight in college kind of gave me a glimpse of hope. Enough hope to look forward to losing more and most importantly, enough hope to keep going and then celebrate more successes in this journey.
Pretty good 2 months for this year so far in terms of my personal rehabilitation. I will do my best to post an update at least once a week just so I could keep track of my progress and you can bet that I will definitely keep pushing and I’m looking forward to finding a better place for my self-esteem and get that confidence back!
Keep up with me on this, we’ll keep rolling!