I am starting to see some results and it feels amazing. To be fair though, being able to get up at 6 in the morning to go to the gym (after dropping my sister at work) makes me feel good about myself already. And to do this 5 times a week (might go for 6 or 7 soon, yas!) is already something to be proud of.
I have talked to you about my struggles at the gym, which is mostly rooted, to my consistent fear of being judged by the people around me. What I have yet to discuss though are my thoughts about this. See, I think the reason why I feel a certain kind of shame or submissiveness (can’t think of a better word) when I see other people looking at me is because I envy their progress. I always wish I am at their level already and this is incredibly frustrating. This is especially true when I first started out going to the gym when using the treadmill for 10 minutes was already very difficult for me and lifting 15lbs was already a struggle. It was difficult and it was frustrating. I got envious and I conscious because questions like “when will I reach their level” filled my mind. By as time progressed and as weeks passed, I started seeing some small results and these are enough to make myself be comfortable. Or at least, be a little more comfortable as each work out day passes by.
Like any other goal, there is a process and starting out with these processes is just very difficult. But, just like wise men say, you just have to start. And I have started so all I need to do now is to keep going. I recognize the fact that there will be days when it’s more difficult to get up in the morning or days when I’ll be sorer than before because I added some weight or reps or sets… Through these, I just need to keep going. Progress, no matter how small, is still progress. I just need to focus on the fact that I have already started and I just need to keep my eyes on my goals. Better days are coming and I cannot allow myself to be the same person that I was yesterday.
With all these affirmations and motivations in my head, it doesn’t seem too difficult to push myself to work anymore. I’ll continue updating here and maybe soon I’ll be comfortable enough to even post pictures of my progress. How soon? I don’t know.
Stay with me on this journey as I’ll need all the pressure that you could possibly put on me!